NASA and bras

Strapless dresses seem to be iconic of a summer wedding. All the bridesmaid ads I've seen show these pretty girls wearing feminine, summery, strapless dresses looking as though they are having the most fun they've ever had (and without a man in sight!) So I'm thinking...hmmm...I want to wear one of those! (Kudos to all marketing execs for making a chubby, breasty girl think she will pull off a look similar to their ads).

Even in my bucolic hometown, these ads have infiltrated the minds of young girls. My dear pal Ashley chose strapless dresses for the bridesmaids in her July 4, 2009 wedding. Now, her sister Tasha, who is both beautiful and thin, thought this was a terrific idea. After viewing all the afore-mentioned ads and being suckered in by marketing geniouses and Tasha's encouragement, I'm pretty game for the idea. Plus, my dress for Sara's wedding, though it has straps, stays up pretty well due to the fit and my bra, with hardly any strain on the straps themselves. With all of that information flowing through my over taxed brain, I happily ordered the strapless dress.

I received this dress yesterday at work. I was too excited to wait until I got home, so I gathered my co-workers Brenda and Deb outside the ladies bathroom door so I could try it on. The ladies room is up front in our office, by the elevators, but safely tucked off to the side. So there I was, wearing a red strapless dress and my bright blue bra. Classy. I was describing to Brenda and Deb how I hoped my strapless bra could provide some support as I grabbed my chest and squished my boobs up against the force of gravity. Unfortunately, at this exact moment in time, the ONE male employee in my office decides to grab an elevator to take his break. He witnesses me, standing in a strapless red dress with a bright blue bra (straps and all) holding my pile of cleavage and lifting it toward my chin. Now my face matches the dress color.

After spending the rest of my work day apologizing to my male co-worker, I take my dress home after work and try it on with the appropriate strapless bra and a smaller audience. Once I was completely zipped up, it actually works out pretty well. I of course must purchase some spanx to fool any men I meet into thinking I'm thinner than I really am. My boobs are somewhat in place (but hey, if they are above my stomach, I find that to be good news). I decided that the strapless bra Beka lent me will suffice and I called off my search for a NASA strength anti-gravitational bra. Feeling a little adventurous, I decided to try the dress with NO bra. After the fabric & boning collapse under the crushing weight of two DD boobs, I realize that I will never be able to leave my home bra-less. John Mayer was right...gravity is working against me!